


Drown and Lost

by splashstar



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Abandonment Issues, Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues, M/M, Mild Blood, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: seek after me, break me, so that we would never have to part.[originally written in December 2017]
Relationships: Hiyama Kiyoteru/Kamui Gakupo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. drowning in love

**Author's Note:**

> don't worry, i'm probably never going to write something like this ever again, but just know i'm definitely going to hell for this one. i am sorry in advance
> 
> insp: drown and lost (dekiwaku) by re:ng
> 
> i want these two to be happy.....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even if you deceive me or betray me, i still believe in you.

it hurts, but you don’t care.

you don't know how it started, how the two of you got to be this way with each other. you don’t even know why either of you chose to stay. what you _do_ know is that it’s unhealthy to stay like this--gakupo seems to be aware of this himself--but somehow you can’t stop yourself.

you _want_ to be loved, even if it’s a lie.

some nights he comes up behind you, and his strong arms wrap around your torso, slowly pulling you close. he gently moves his hands up and down your clothed body, caressing your thighs and your hips and occasionally tracing the top of your waistband with his thumb or sliding a hand up your shirt--he always avoids touching your most sensitive places, just to tease you further--and you can hear the lust in his deep exhales and in the sweet nothings he whispers sensually into your ear. he can’t take it--and god knows you can’t either--and he wants you in the bedroom.

_now._

and you comply.

the moment the two of you are on the bed, no time is wasted. the contact is almost immediate. one minute, he’s stripping you, and the next, you’re a mess of moans and sharp breaths and tears. in between is a tender violence; he’s teasing every inch of you, biting you, digging his long fingernails into your back and taking blood with him, ignoring your cries whenever you tell him he’s hurting you. (to be honest, it’s almost comforting in a way. it assures you that he’s there. he’s real and you’re not alone.) you instinctively cover your mouth when you catch your moans getting too loud, but gakupo insists on removing your hand from your face and pinning your wrists down as he continues.

sometimes you roll over, and suddenly you’re in control. and when it happens, you don’t know what you’re doing or why, but you can’t stop yourself and you do it anyway. you do it because all you know is that you want to be loved, even if it’s a lie.

even if you drown in it.

you wake up in the morning, showered in sunlight from the window, and there’s nobody next to you in the bed.

and you feel a familiar regret--one you always acknowledge but never do anything about.

it hurts, but you don’t care.


	2. lost in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i want to drain the cup of my memories, even if i should forever remain heartless.

you’re lost in this love, and there’s no way out.

you don’t need anyone to tell you this isn’t healthy--you _know_. it’s almost as if it’s an addiction; you just can’t seem to control yourself. it was _you_ and _your_ impulsive decisions that led to this.

even so, kiyoteru didn’t seem to mind.

some nights you come up to him without warning. you pull him close from behind, touching everywhere but the places you know will elicit an audible response from him. you start losing control a little bit. you whisper sweet nothings into his ear (which, you notice, is tinged a bright shade of pink--you have enough control to resist biting it), and you feel him shudder against you. you can’t take it--and neither can he--and the moment you tell him where you want to go, there’s no going back.

the second the two of you are on the bed, you begin to let your body control you. you give in to your lust-filled desires without another thought; stripping him completely, teasing him in a tender yet violent way--biting him, dragging your long nails down his back, leaving marks wherever you end up. he tells you you’re hurting him sometimes, but honestly neither of you really care whether or not you do anything about it--moving until you’ve both reached your peak.

and even when you’re _not_ the one on top, you still have no control. you let kiyoteru run his hands up and down your own bare body, touching all your sensitive places, giving you voracious kisses, and he seems to have just as much control over himself as you.

you wake up in the morning, showered in sunlight from the window, and kiyoteru is still asleep next to you on the bed. you don’t realize it until you try to get up, but his arms are locked around your left arm.

like he doesn’t want you to leave his side.

you’re hurting him in more ways than one. it’s something you couldn’t be any more aware of.

and you’re sorry. you're sorry that you’re like this. you’re sorry that your mind is so tangled up to the point that taking it out on him was how you ended up dealing with it.

you’re sorry that you’ve become so heartless.

even then, kiyoteru doesn’t seem to care. as long as some form of love--genuine or otherwise--exists between the two of you, as long as he’s with you, it doesn’t matter. he doesn’t care, and in all honesty you don’t think _you_ care anymore either.

you’re lost in this love, and there’s no way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise they'll be happier next time.... ( ; ω ; )


End file.
